I know many of you may read this and chuckle, but at 52 years old, I discovered something surprising: I needed hearing aids. For years, my wife had been urging me to get my ears checked, but I dismissed her concerns, thinking she was just being pushy. Surely, the problem was her not speaking clearly, not my hearing. It couldn’t be me, right?

Then, I got an ear infection that made hearing nearly impossible, and I couldn’t rely on reading lips anymore. So, reluctantly, I went to the ear doctor. That’s when I found out I had 40% hearing loss in one ear. But that wasn’t all. The doctor also performed a test for something called audio aphasia, which checks how well you understand what people are saying. It turns out, people losing their hearing often “fill in” words they didn’t actually hear to make sense of conversations. Long story short—my wife was right all along. I needed hearing aids. My mind had been filling in blanks during conversations, and I had no idea.

This got me thinking. What if, in our relationships, we struggle to hear what people are truly saying—not because of our ears, but because of an internal “audio aphasia”? What if there are loved ones—family, friends, neighbors—who are trying to communicate their care and concern, but past emotional hurts block us from hearing the truth of their words?

Over my years of pastoring and counseling, I’ve met people who couldn’t fully receive love, kindness, or compassion. Their hearts and minds had found a way to tune out those crucial messages, often because of past wounds. Emotional hearing loss, just like physical hearing loss, can lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings.

Here are a few ways to put on those emotional “hearing aids” and truly hear what the people who care about you are saying:

• Slow down – Take a moment to really focus on what’s being said. Life moves fast, and we often miss important things.
• Turn down the noise – Sometimes there’s too much going on around us, making it difficult to listen. Remove the distractions. Put down the cell phone.
• Forgive the past – Hurt and pain can block us from hearing what matters most. Letting go of past injuries clears the path for real connection.
• Watch out for triggers – There are certain words or phrases that can trigger us to shut down or misinterpret. Like audio aphasia, we can “hear” things that weren’t really said.
• Clarify what you hear – The bravest step is to ask the speaker if what you heard matches their intention. This takes courage but is incredibly effective in bridging gaps.

Yes, I now wear my hearing aids, and they help a lot. But these emotional steps are just as important to make sure I’m really hearing what people are trying to communicate.

Stay tuned for the next chapter—how I found out I needed glasses! Getting older brings some hurdles, but it also brings a new kind of wisdom worth embracing.