Over the years, many of you have read my thoughts on valuing others, showing kindness, and practicing forgiveness. These are essential principles that I hope each of us applies in our daily lives. However, there’s another truth I invite you to consider: just because we are kind to others, value them, and forgive their shortcomings doesn’t mean everyone should have access to the most sacred parts of who we are.
Should every person have a voice into your life, be leaned on for advice, or be trusted with your most vulnerable moments? The answer is simple: No.
We all need people we can truly count on—people we can trust with our joys, our pain, and our journey. It is our responsibility to carefully choose who those people are. Sometimes it’s family, other times close friends or long-time neighbors. This past year brought many changes in my own life. I learned firsthand who I could lean on—and who proved untrustworthy. That doesn’t necessarily make them bad people, but it does mean their agenda didn’t align with mine, and my well-being wasn’t their priority.
Here are a few things to consider when choosing the trusted few who belong in your circle:
Do they truly listen?
Someone who listens with their heart, not just their ears, is a good starting point.
Do you share core life values?
This is crucial. When life gets difficult and pressures rise, people reveal their true character. What leaks out when they’re squeezed?
Are they consistent?
I have friends in my circle whom I don’t always agree with—and even my wife and I see things differently sometimes. But I can trust them because they are consistently honest and grounded.
Are they manipulative?
I’ve noticed this more recently—people who say what you want to hear just to push their own agenda or climb the ladder. Ambition isn’t a bad thing; I applaud it when it leads to growth and excellence. But ambition fueled by dishonesty, half-truths, and self-interest is dangerous.
Do they bring you joy?
I smile a lot because I love the life the Lord has given me. But there are certain people whose presence naturally brings joy. My wife, my children, many family members, and a few close friends do this for me. They are my safe place when I need advice, comfort, or strength.
How do they behave on social media?
How someone acts online often reflects how they’ll eventually treat you. It may seem bold or funny when people post harsh truths or cutting remarks, but real courage doesn’t hide behind a screen. It’s found in face-to-face conversations and a willingness to work through challenges with humility. If it’s a community issue—step in and be part of the solution.
Do they make you better?
The people closest to me inspire me to be better. They model self-discipline, kindness, grace, and intentional living. These are the people I want walking beside me.
As you reflect on who’s in your circle, remember: it’s not about shutting people out—it’s about inviting the right people in. Choose wisely. You don’t need a crowd. You just need a few who will love you, tell you the truth, and walk with you no matter what.
